Daily Jokes

[Ngô Từ]

Ai có truyện gì hay ho sưu tầm được ở đâu thì đóng góp nhé.
Can't eat your own sandwiches

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!"
The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

[Ngô Từ]

What not to name your dog

Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy." I call mine .
Now has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for . He said, "I'd like to have one, too." Then I said "But this is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "But you don't understand. I've had since I was nine years old." He said I must have been quite a kid.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for . He said every room in the place was for . I said, "You don't understand. keeps me awake at night!" The clerk said, "Me too."
One day I entered in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. "But you don't understand," I said, "I had hoped to have on TV." He called me a show-off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight custody of the dog. I said, "Your honor, I had before I was married." The judge said, "Me too." Then I told him that after I was married, left me. He said, "Me too."
Last night ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4:00 in the morning?" I said, "I'm looking for ."
My case comes up Friday.

[kitty]

Hic, TTMT cũng tếu nhỉ, post nữa đi cho mọi người thư giãn nào.

[lazycat]

Hì hì, đóng góp cùng bà con 1 tẹo rồi lại đi làm đây :D Chúc cả nhà vui vẻ sau vài cú shocks do những kẻ kém hiểu biết vào quấy rối trong Forum của chúng ta. Cheer up 4 all! :D

---------------------
Husband & Wife - Why divorce?
In a divorce court a woman requested the judge: "Your honor, I want to divorce my husband." "But why ?" asked the judge. She replied, "Because he is not faithful to me." The judge asked, "How do you know ?" She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."

Husband & Wife - Love Your Enemy
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy." "Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."

Husband & Wife - Wedding Ring
At the cocktail party, one man said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? " The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong woman."

Husband & Wife - Why?
" Dad, I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms. " Why, Dad ? Tell me why!" Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didn't get the fax."

Husband & Wife - Same Service
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office,
my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking." "Why complain?" said the
counselor. "You're still getting the same service!"

Husband & Wife - Talk About Husband
One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"

Husband & Wife - Love To Do
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple?
How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to." Replied the husband. "But I don't know her well enough."

Husband & Wife - No Answer Back
A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her." One of his friends asked."And when you are angry, what do you do?" The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back.

Husband & Wife - Come Home Late
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him. "Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clockin the morning, and from my bed I called out: "Is that you, Jim?" And that cured him. "Cured him !" asked the woman, "but
how?" The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."

Husband & Wife - Problem Father
"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "what's your problem?" He replied, "I'm going to be a father." "But that's wonderful," I said. "What's wonderful? My wife doesn't know about it yet.

[lazycat]

Qs you never know As :D

1. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

2. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee break? :P

3. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? B)

4. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? :D

5. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? :rolleyes:

6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? :-/

7. If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?

8. Why is it called building when it is already built? B)

9. If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

10. If you're not supposed to drink and drive, then why do bars have parking lots? :)

11. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become oriented?

12. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat? B) :))

[lazycat]

The problems with GUYS: ;)


If u TREAT him nicely, he says u are IN LOVE with him;
If u Don't, he says u are PROUD.
If u DRESS Nicely, he says u are trying to LURE him;
If u Don't, he says u are from KAMPUNG.
If u ARGUE with him, he says u are STUBBORN;
If u keep QUIET, he says u have no BRAINS.
If u are SMARTER than him, he'll lose FACE;
If he's Smarter than u, he is GREAT.
If u don't Love him, he tries to POSSESS u;
If u Love him, he will try to LEAVE u.(very true huh?)
If u do!! he says u are CHEAP.
If u tell him your PROBLEM, he says u are TROBLESOME;
If u don't, he says that u don't TRUST him.
If u SCOLD him, u are like a NANNY to him;
If he SCOLDS u, it is because he CARES for u.
If u BREAK your PROMISE, u Cannot be TRUSTED;
If he BREAKS his, he is FORCED to do so.
If u SMOKE, u are BAD girl;
If he SMOKES, he is GENTLEMENT.
If u do WELL in your exams, he says it's LUCK;
If he does WELL, it's BRAINS.
If u HURT him, u are CRUEL;
If he HURTS u, u are too SENSITIVE!!

Oh my guys, sooo hard to please!!!!!

:D

[Tucurie]

Có một truyện ngắn xuất xứ từ Scotland:

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."

:)) :))

[lazycat]

A Woman's View of Men :rolleyes:

Men are like........Bananas........ The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like........Vacations..... They never seem to be long enough .

Men are like ....... Weather...... Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like........ Blenders..... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.

Men are like........ Coffee...... The best ones are rich, warm, & can keep you up all night long.

Men are like....... Commercials...... You can't believe a word they say.

Men are like ......... Department Stores..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off. B)

Men are like......... Government Bonds..... They take soooooooooo long to mature.

Men are like ........ Popcorn ...... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like ........Mascara ..... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like..... Snowstorms..... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.

Men are like......... Lava Lamps........ Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Men are like........ Parking Spots..... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Oh men! :D

[admin]

Đây, truyện vui đây mời các cố thưởng thức ạ. Trẻ em dưới 18 tuổi đề nghị không đọc.

What is marketing?
For all the ladies who have asked, "What is marketing?", the following analogies will help clear it up...

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed."
- That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I," and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."
- That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed."
- That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend.
- That's a Sales Rep.
Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
- That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
- That's Spam

[lazycat]

:)) :)) :)) Marketing's so interesting. Should I take one course on it?

Well, can you find these images anywhere else?

http://community.webshots.com/scripts/edit...security=MqNdCU (http://community.webshots.com/scripts/editPhotos.fcgi?action=showMyPhoto&albumID=69861885&photoID=89857059&security=MqNdCU)

http://community.webshots.com/scripts/edit...security=mqobjR (http://community.webshots.com/scripts/editPhotos.fcgi?action=showMyPhoto&albumID=69861885&photoID=89857260&security=mqobjR)

http://community.webshots.com/scripts/edit...security=nYKVIK (http://community.webshots.com/scripts/editPhotos.fcgi?action=showMyPhoto&albumID=69861885&photoID=89857578&security=nYKVIK)

http://community.webshots.com/scripts/edit...security=SEPYBx (http://community.webshots.com/scripts/editPhotos.fcgi?action=showMyPhoto&albumID=69861885&photoID=89857706&security=SEPYBx)

http://community.webshots.com/scripts/edit...security=PeGupJ (http://community.webshots.com/scripts/editPhotos.fcgi?action=showMyPhoto&albumID=69861885&photoID=89857762&security=PeGupJ)

And this is for adults only (Over 20s) B)

http://community.webshots.com/scripts/edit...security=PeGupJ (http://community.webshots.com/scripts/editPhotos.fcgi?action=showMyPhoto&albumID=69861885&photoID=89857762&security=PeGupJ)

I have more, but it's time to work. Byeeeeee

[lazycat]

The Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the following words: B)

Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either

Divorce : Future tense of marriage.

Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power

Dictionary : A place where success comes before work.

Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody agrees later on.

Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

[Ngô Từ]

:P

I'll trust you anyway


A tourist climbed out of his car in downtown Washington, D.C. He said to a man standing near the curb:
- Listen, I'm going to be only a couple of minutes. Would you watch my car while I run into this store?
- What?- the man huffed. - Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?
- Well no,- the tourist said, - I didn't realize that. But it's all right. I'll trust you anyway.


(Source:Internet)

[Ngô Từ]

Engineer vs. manager


A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realises he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts:
- Excuse me, can you help me? I promised my friend I would meet him half an hour ago, but I don't know where I am.
The man below says:
- Yes. You are in a hot air balloon, hovering approximately 30 feet above this field. You are between 40 and 42 degrees N. latitude, and between 58 and 60 degrees W. longitude.
- You must be an engineer,- says the balloonist.
- I am - replies the man. - How did you know?
- Well - says the balloonist, - everything you have told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I am still lost.
The man below says
- You must be a manager.
- I am,- replies the balloonist, - but how did you know?
- Well,- says the man, - You don't know where you are, or where you are going. You have made a promise, which you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. The final fact is you are in the exact same position you were in before we met, but now it is somehow my fault.


(Source:Internet)

Dictionary:
hot-air balloon noun [C]
an aircraft consisting of a very large bag filled with heated air or other gas, with a basket (= container) hanging under it in which people can ride

[Ngô Từ]

A great way to diet

A heavyset guy named Nothing sees an ad that reads "Lose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238" and decides to make the call. The operator asks, "How much weight do you want to lose?"
"Ten pounds," Nothing replies.
"We?ll have a representative over in the morning," says the operator.
About 9 a.m., there?s a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, completely naked except for a sign around her neck reading ?If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.?
The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. After they have , Nothing runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He?s lost 10 pounds!
That night Nothing calls the number again and says, "I want to lose 20 pounds."
"We?ll send someone over."
The next morning, Nothing's greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads ?If You Catch Me, You Can Have Me.? The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds he?s lost 20 pounds!
That night he calls and says, "I want to lose 50 pounds!"
"Fifty pounds?" the operator asks. "That?s an awful lot."
Nothing replies, "Listen, just take care of it!"
About 7 a.m. Nothing hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads ?If I catch you??

[lazycat]

In a restroom :D

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other
stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom
but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this
is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I
hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could
just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other
stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"

[kitty]

Voted Women's Favourite E-mail of the Year

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the hwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, "Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's
being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."

Thanks for your email have a great day!

COMMENTS: THIS MAN IS LUCKY STILL, SINCE HE MANAGES TO FINISH THE DAY AT 9 PM!!!!

[Ngô Từ]

Don't Mess with the IT Guys. This is an actual letter of resignation from an employee at "Zantex Computers",Australia, to his boss, J.Pilgrim. His boss, known as "Pilly," apparently resigned very soon afterwards!

Dear Mr. Pilgrim,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself, during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few
true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired, because I know how to network computer systems and you
were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" - for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective
as telling you what an IP is.

Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will. You walk around the building all day, shiftless looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed, useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring
ineptitude.

In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation; however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is:

"I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years, to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers birthday", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror n*de. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied
and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell checker please.I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public.

Never f with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!


Sincerely,

Adrian

[Sharky]

Hôm trước sau khi Senik chỉ cho em lá thư này xong, em đọc và nghĩ ngay đến một câu chuyện ở trên TTVNOL. Đại loại là tác giả đi làm cho một công ty IT cũng có một ông sếp chuyên môn chẳng biết gì nhưng lúc nào cũng tỏ vẻ hiểu biết và cũng có tình "vùi dập" tài năng của nhân viên. Nói chung là khá bôi bác. Nhưng đọc xong cũng thấy thương cái ông Pilly này, hic, bị nói thế thì còn ra thể thống gì nữa, sau này thì làm gì có ai nhận vào làm nữa cơ chứ, huống hồ gì là làm sếp.

Còn em thì ngay sau khi đọc xong được nhận một chỉ thị là break này sẽ được huấn luyện một cua đặc biệt về computer "để em có thể sử dụng thành thạo, sau này không có anh thì tự làm được, và có đi làm thì cũng không ai qua mặt như thế được". Tốt, phòng bệnh hơn chữa bệnh, nhỡ một lúc nào đó lại gặp một anh chàng Adrian thứ hai thì hỏng :D

[TGCC]

A man walks into a bar and over the next couple of hours proceeds to get increasingly drunk. Suddenly he spots a guy in the corner with a group of friends and begins to verbally abuse him. "Oi you" he shouts."I've shagged your mum!!" The man carries on drinking trying to ignore the guy's drunken rantings. Half an hour later the drunk stands up and renews his abuse ."Oi you" he shouts even louder this time "I shagged your mum up the bum" The guy in the corner turns his back on him and continues talking with friends although by now visibly irate. Half a hour later the drunk pipes up once again. "Oi you! your mum sucked my dick!!"By now the guy in the corner has lost his cool, he stands up furiously and yells "For fcuk's sake Dad go home, you're embarrassing me.
:D

[Sharky]

Khiếp, em Béo bây chừ "bậy" ghê, toàn đọc mấy truyện linh tinh thôi. Nhưng mà thôi gọi là góp vui với pà con, Sharky thêm một chiện nữa vừa biết được bữa trước. Cấm trẻ em dưới 18 tuổi kẻo không hiểu hỏi linh tinh lại rách việc ra :D.

A Trip to China

An American tourist goes on a trip to China. While in China, he is very ually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time. A week after arriving back home in the States, he awakes one morning to find his pen** covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it".

The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc".

The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your pen**".

The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion". The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice".

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the ease. The Chinese doctor examines his pen** and proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very lare ease".

The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what we can do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my pen**?"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to opelate!"

"Oh, Thank God!", the man replies.

"Yes", says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks and it fall off by itself!"

:)) :)) :))

[Sharky]

Mọi người thư giãn tí này, nhất là those who think they are smart. Đúng như lời người gửi yêu cầu:

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.

Male's brain VS Female's brain

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the chilh innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

:)) :)) :)) :)) :))

[Ngô Từ]

ONE REASON NOT TO MESS WITH A KID

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

Irritated, the teacher reliterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

:P

(Source: Internet)

[Ngô Từ]

Teacher was retiring

A teacher was retiring after 30 years of teaching, so each child decided they wanted to bring her a special retirement present. A little girl who was the daughter of a fine chocolate dealer brought her a box full of fine chocolates.

A little boy who was the son of a florist brought her a big bouquet of flowers. Another little boy who was the son of a fine liquor dealer brought her a big box that was sealed, and it had something leaking from the bottom of the box. The teacher said, "I bet I know what this is!"

She tasted some of the juices that were leaking from the box and said, "I bet this is some wine!"

The little boy said, "Nope!"

She tasted it again and said "Liquor?"

The little boy said, "Nope!"

She tasted it again and said, "Beer?"

The little boy said, "Nope!"

She said, "Well what is it?"

The little boy said, "A puppy!" =))

(Source: Internet)

[vn1986]

Comment: never taste something in the box :)).
This is mine:

"Do you speak Italian"
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our
lives !!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta a? I'm a
justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi'."

I BET YOU READ THIS AGAIN!!!
Unknown author.

[Hồn ma]

Standing out on the balcony

Bill and Marla had a small apartment in the city. and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would tract him for an hour or so.

The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out, "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are having s.e.x."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.