Rules Of Metal

[Metal]

A: rules of Doom



Life is too short to experience all that is good
Làm sao biết hết mọI thứ trên đời
2. Life is too long to enjoy living.

Cuộc sống quá dài để hưởng thụ
3. Every day is a funeral.

Mọi ngày là nốI tiếp của những việc đau đớn
4. Do not wear anything but flat black clothes and combat boots.

Chỉ mặc Quần áo đen và giày chiến đấu
5. Do not smile

Không mỉm cười
6. Do not laugh.

Không cườI lớn
7. Death Doom is not slow Death Metal, unless you think it is.

Death Doom không bao giờ là Slow Death
8. Doom Metal is not Death Metal with a violin.

Doom không phảI là death với cây vĩ cầm
9. No matter what anyone says, that vocalist is not the Cookie Monster.

Bất kể thằng nào nói gì,Vocal không bao giờ là Cookie Monster
10. I said "No laughing!!!"

Im đi!
11. No matter what anyone says, you're not a Goth.

Hãy nhớ! Mi không phảI là Gothic
12. While a black teddy bear with a broken heart hanging from a noose on your windshield may very well symbolize your tortured inner nature, it's not very metal.

13. It is acceptable to listen to non-doomy music if you play it at 1/4 of its normal tempo.

Sẽ chấp nhận được để nghe một dòng không doom nếu chỉ chơi vớI 25% tốc độ của nó
14. You may complain about an album's production unless it is a Thergothon release.

Hãy phàn nàn về nhà SX trừ khi nhận được Album như của Thergothon
15. You will own Thergothon's 'Stream From The Heavens', but never listen to it because of the bad sound quality.
16. Spend years looking for that extremly rare limited to 500 copies vinyl only release that you must own, then listen to it twice in your lifetime.

17. You must never admit to liking a "fast part" on a doom CD, unless it is embowelment.

CHỉ đựoc phép thích những đoạn Slow khi nó diễn tả những cảnh mổ bụng
18. Watch incomprehensible cult movies with no plot, storyline or anything remotely interesting happening because "it's doomy!".

Xem những đoạn phim không thằng nào hiểu nổI,vớI những tình tiết rùng rợn .BởI vì đó là Doom
19. You can make fun of Nazis unless the said Nazi is fed up Mad Max. Then you can overlook his beliefs because his "music was good".

Có thể nói về nhạc “ tân phát xít” trừ khi nó đã bị bang bổ bởI Cn cộng sản.Có thể không cần quan tâm tư tưởng bọn tân phát xít nói gì bởI vì thực sự là âm nhcạ của chúng cũng tốt
20. Album covers must contain one of the following: Ruins, Spirits in agony, A cemetary sculpture of an angel, or A pretty painting of heaven...

Bìa Album bắt buộc phải có :sự đổ nát,tâm hồn thương đau,Tác phẩm như là nghĩa địa các thiên thần hay bức tuyệt tác về thiên đường
21. But you're not a Goth!

Mi không chơi Gothic
22. As a Doomster, you're too apathetic to engage in silly music genre debates.

Là Doomster,quá hững hờ vớI những cuộc tranh luận ngờ nghệch về âm nhạc
23. Unless someone calls you Gothic, then it's on.

Luôn tự hào mình hay hơn bọn Gothic

24. Always let your goat listen first to a new CD, so she may consider if it's good or bad for you.
25. Kitty cats are not appropriate pets unless they're black and depressed.

Không bao giừo cưng mèo Kitty trừ khi nó là một con mèo đen trông vô vọng
26. You must appreciate folk polka metal because polka is dark, emotional and "...really doomier than Serenades when you think about it."

Chú ý tớI điệu Polka Metal bởI vì nó là ttói tăm,xúc động và Doom hơn Serenade
27. Consider yourself open-minded about music.

Nghĩ tớI nhà ngươi là ngườI phóng khoáng trong âm nhạc
28. Consider all other metal narrow-minded, especially "True Norwegian Black Metal!"

Tất cả Metal khác là thiển cận trong âm nhạc, đặc biệt là "True Norwegian Black Metal!"
29. Ignore the contradiction of the above two rules.

Đừng phiền muộn nếu 2 luật nào đó ở trên kia có mâu thuẫn
30. If you're a traditional doom fan, you must complain endlessly about My Dying Bride, and call all the non-trad fans "Gothic Fags." Also complain about Droning doom because it's not music.

Là Fan của Trad Dôom,luôn kêu ca MY Dying Bridge,và gọI những Fan # của Doom là “đồng giớI dân Gothic”.Droning Doom đốI vớI ngươi không đáng là âm nhạc
31. If you’re a Sludge Doom fan moan that Trad doom is really Heavy Rock.

Là Fan của Sludge Doom : Trad Doom thực ra là Heavy Rock
32. If you’re a Stoner Doom Fan, you are not paranoid. They are all out to get you.

Nếu là Fan của Stoner Doom,bạn là ngườI hoang tưởng
33. If you're a Doom/Death fan, you must complain endlessly about Droning Doom because it's even slower and more boring than what you listen to. Also complain about trad-doom because half the vocalists sound like they've been castrated.

Là Fan của Death-Doom,Luôn la ói bọn Droning bởI vì chúng chậm và nhạt như nước ốc nếu so vớI Death Doom.Kêu ca Trad Doom rằng Vocalist nghe như bị hoạn
34. If you're a fan of Droning Doom, you're probably too busy zoning on the droning to be reading this list, or to even care.
35. Remember Rule 22. You do not engage in silly music genre debates.

36. If someone says Doom-Metal is a mix between Death-Metal and Gothic-Metal, kick him in the nuts.

Đập chết thằng nào gọI Doom là Death+ Gothic
37. Unless you're fixated on an Earth CD at the time, then you probably didn't hear a word he just said.

Nếu không gắn bó vớI Ẻarth,có lẽ chẳng hiểu hắn đang nói gì qua nhạc của hắn
38. If you find yourself describing your favourite piece of music as "Joyful," "A bright ray of sunshine," or "the super happy fun song," there's a slight chance that it's not Doom.

nếu Nhà ngươi thấy nhạc mà ngươi nghe như là "Joyful," "A bright ray of sunshine," or "the super happy fun song," chắc chắn đó kô là cảm giác của Dôom
39. Doom Reviews containing descriptions such as "Crushing," "Monolithic," "Depressive," and "Suicidal" are good reviews... and yes, these are complimentary t

Khi nhạn xét về Doom,luôn có cảnh “đập vào nhau””chắc như đá””vô vọng””tự tử”.Và như vậy là những lờI nhận xét đáng hoan nghênh
40. If you feel down, then listen to some truly soul crushing, suicidal doom to cheer you up.

Nếu thấy Vô vọng,hãy nghe Doom để lên dây tinh thần
41. If you are Doom, you are probably from Finland or Yorkshire.

Có lẽ bạn tớI từ Ph ần Lan hay Yorkshire
42. Even if you're not Doom, if you're from Finland, you're probably still a miserable bastard.

nếu tơi từ Phần Lan m à kh ông ph ảI Doom thì ngươi là con thú lai căng
43. No matter how slow you play, you can always play slower.

Có thể chơi chậm hơn nữa nếu có thể
44. If there are more than 30 beats per minute, the music is too fast.

Thật là quá nhanh nếu đập trên 30 lần/phút
45. If you play anything above 30 bpm, you are probably Pop music, unless you are embowelment.

Néu không may chơi trên 30 lần/phút,có lẽ ngươi đang chơi Pop.Trỳư khi đó là cảnh mổ bụng
46. If Skepticism suddenly decides to play something above 30 bpm, then we will make an exception for them too, but this is very unlikely.

Nếu hoài nghi muốm chơi trên 30 Beat/phút,hãy loạI bỏ nó khỏI cái đầu ngu ngốc của nhà ngươi
47. Make sure to include such words as "Emptiness," "Dying," "Solitude," "Cold," "Night," "Despair," "Demon," "Caress," "Darkness," and "Shadows" in your band name, song titles, and lyrics. Arrange them in faux poetic ways such as "In the Cold Demon's Caress, I lay Dying," "Dark Emptiness," "In Demonic Shadows, I Despair." "Empty Shadows of Death," and one that every True Doomster should relate to: "Nights of Solitude."

Hãy chắc chắn trong tên Band,Album và Lyric có chứa những cụm từ "In the Cold Demon's Caress, I lay Dying," "Dark Emptiness," "In Demonic Shadows, I Despair." "Empty Shadows of Death,"Và chỉ nên thuật lạI những cảnh cô dơn của ngươi trong bong tối
48. Only the first two albums of a band are True™ doom.

Cùng lắm chỉ True được trong 1 tới 2 album đầu
49. band after the first album or mini-cd and you're CULT!

GiảI tán sau album đầu hay mini-CD là thường tình
50. Never let your audience know if your new song is an instrumental or not until you really have to. Give them at least 3 minutes to guess how the song will turn out.

Đừng để thính giả biết nếu có đoạn instrumental trong Al bum mớI .hãy để họ băn khoăn sao bài hát biến mất trong vòng 3 phút.Liệu có nhầm lẫn chăng

tiếp tục...

[Metal]

51. Record 6 songs that span over the length of 2 full CDs. Obviously intro's, outro's and short intermezzo's (on both ks) are included in the song count.
52. You must make fun of Black Metal musicians taking pictures in the woods. Promptly afterwards you will have your band-mate follow you into a thicket by the local cemetery with a 35mm camera for "band shots".
53. True™ doom lyrical content must include references to: a relative, spouse, fiancיe or pet dying, or abstract explorations of getting dumped by your girlfriend.

54. If you reference all of the above in a single song, you qualify for "Sooper Dooper Pooper Scooper True Cult Doom" status. An example of this would be: "Rover has passed into the frozen wastes of Kadath, and my heart has been rent from my ribcage by thee, temptress bitch."
55. There have to be at least 3 different songs with the same name in your repertoire. (You may put a number after it if you want, such as "Rover, My Temptress Bitch MXVIII.")

Ít nhất có 3 bài hát trùng tên,có thể đặt thêm số sau nó
56. While practicing your death metal "Cookie Monster" vocals, resist the temptation to write songs about how much the chocolate chips long to join the sugary dough for one last dip into the pond of milk white purity before being thrown into the gaping maw of a ravenous muppet.
57. Most importantly, and I can't stress this enough: Be from Finland!
58. A Funeral Doom riff should last a minimum of 15 seconds, and repeat itself for at least 16 minutes.

Những đoạn Riff về cảnh tang lễ nên có ít nhất 15 giây,và nhắc lạI ít nhất 16 phút
59. You know you are a funeral doomster when you find yourself saying, “Black Sabbath just play too fast.”

Sẽ là một Funeral Doomster khi cảm thấy rằng Black Sabbath chơi quá nhanh
60. If you’re a traditional doomster, rip off Black Sabbath, Saint Vitus, Obsessed, Pagan Altar and Pentagram, then claim any similarity is pure coincidence.

61. Mourn the loss of Parae Lost a once great band.

Parae Lost thường thôi
62. Violinists are not necessarily gay.

Không cần thiết phảI có 1 thằng chơi vĩ cầm
63. The mark of good funeral doom is whether you can get a beer from the fridge in the time between two snare hits.
64. True doomsters are too depressed to go to band practice.
65. Use  in your song titles
66. Doomsters are not kvlt, tr00, gr1m or pretentious.
67. Hide your Darkthrone records when one of your doomed mates visits.

Giấu những gì của Darkthrone khi có thằng bạn tớI thăm
68. Any song shorter than 8 minutes is an 'Intro'.

Chỉ có Intro là ngắn hơn 8 phút
69. Doom bands should not be popular, unless they're banded, then they are CULT.

Doom Band không bao giờ quá nổI tiếng cho đến khi giảI tán
70. Don't go out, unless the weather's cold and dreary.

Không ra ngoài nếu trờI không lạnh và cảnh không tồI tàn
71. Funerals are your favourite pastime.

Đám tang là những cảnh ưa thích của nhà ngươi
72. State explicitly that doom bands are interesting and varied, then record a song with one riff the entire 20minutes of the track
73. If you are no longer doom, say you've "progressed" and deny that any previous doom recording even existed.

Nếu không thể chơi Doom,chuyển sang Pro,và nói rằng không thằng nào có thể tiếp tục chơi Doom
74. Sing along in the bath to your favourite doom band, then deny it because your too "depressed" to sing to yourself in the bath

Hát trong nhà tắm về thần tượng của mình,sau đó phủ nhận nó vì quá chán nản phảI hát một mình trong nhà tắm
75. Doomsters listen to a variety of music, are able to appreciate many music forms, and laugh at the Từ Vi Phạm non-doomsters listen to.

Doomster nghe nhiều loạI nhạc ,có thể đánh giá đúng nhiều loạI nhạc
76. All doom bands are pioneering even if they sounds like every other doom band

Tất cả Doom band là ngườI tiên phong thậm chí nếu âm nhạc của họ nghe như những band khác
77. Keep tours to a minimum, if people want to see you they have to be cult enough to travel at least 20,000miles

Đưng đi Tour nếu có thể,nếu có Fan nào muốn gặp hãy để họ đi ít nhất 20000 dặm
78. If more than 20 people ever come to one of your shows, you have to break up or else you're a sell-out

Nếu có hơn 20 ngườI tớI Show ,chắc sắp hết vé
79. Name your demos and albums with strange titles like "Cthulghy Hyoyrto Skyththte", or "Jhihhee Eliidhhddeenn Fffffhhhhttthjhjuuuuu". By doing this, your band will look really avant garde, progressive and doom.
80. Be tired and indifferent during interviews. Your answers should contain at least 10 long-structured sentences. Otherwise, you are just a punk rock prick.
81. Doom musicians don't move at gigs. If they move, they are not doom.

Kẻ chơi doom không bao giờ huỷ hợp đồng biểu diễn
82. Same applies to the audience.

Trả lờI như nhau đốI vớI những yêu cầu của FAn
83. Do not update your band’s website.

Không cập nhật Website của Band
84. If your fellow-band members are manic-depressive, make sure you quit before they reach the manic phase!
85. Never respond to e-mails, especially if they are asking to buy your CD.

Không trả lờI qua Email, đặc biệt nếu có Fan muốn mua Cd
86. Don't release any of your tracks on the internet, so people can't find out how you sound. And when do finally release your album, release it in an obscure label from Australia that refuses to tribute any of the 500 printed copies.
87. If possible, do not release anything when you're band is still together. After you're banded release your abominable rehearsal tapes and sell them with outrageous prices.

88. Artwork must contain pink or purple!
89. Make really happy music and sing about always looking on the bright side of life... Eric Idle is doom?… Life's a bowl of Từ Vi Phạm, when you look at it!
90. If someone can recognize one of your band members in a picture, you are not doom.

Nếu có ai khác nhận ra một ngườI tròng Band của bạn qua tranh,bạn không phảI là Doomster
91. Do not betray your favourite band by wearing one of their T-Shirts. If someone sees it and listens to them, they will become popular and hence commercial sell-out Từ Vi Phạm.
92. Re-re-re-re-release your demo on tape or vinyl, but not on cd, and make sure no one ever will be able to buy it
93. You know when you are listening to doom when you’re out cycling and old ladies walk past you.

KHI có một bà già nhòm ngó nhà ngươi,chắc là ngươi đang nghe Doom đấy
94. You know when you are listening to doom when that snail jumps out in front of you.

Khi một con sên vượt lên trên bạn ,chắc chắn bạn đang nghe Doom
95. The mark of a good Funeral Doom album is to put it on, go to sleep and find it's still playing when you wake up.
96. Make sure your booklet don't contain lyrics or information of any sort.

Sách về BANd không bao giờ có Lỷric hay bất cứ thong tin nào về BAnd
97. Doom should sound like being alone, naked, with no food, or water, in the middle of a terrible blizzard, with a lot of hatred and pain in your heart, while being on drugs. If it doesn’t go see a doctor of doom.
98. Finland, Finland, Finland, the country where I want to be, pony trekking or camping, or just watching TV. Finland, Finland, Finland, it's the country for me!
99. Always keep the curtains closed, use candles is you must have light.

Luôn để hậu trường diễn mờ mịt,sử dụng nến khi nào còn có thể
100. Your first breath is the beginning of your death.

Lần đầu tiên lộ diện là báo trước cho cái chết của band

tiếp tuc...

[Metal]

101. Go drown yourself in a stream of mourn.

102. Never let anybody else contribute to a list of Doom Rules
103. Life is full of suffering, a seemingly endless path in the blackest darkness imaginable, which stops suddenly and you fall into even blacker nothingness
104. Emptiness rules
105. Skepticism is spelt with a ‘K’
106. Happiness is a worthless electrical illusion created by pointless peasants
Hạnh phúc là ảo tưởng không có giá trị nhất tạo ra bởI những ngườI nông dân ngu ngốc

107. Time is what happens between mistakes

ThờI gian là cái giữa những lỗI lầm
108. Life is what happens to you if you don't die soon enough, but don’t panic, life is terminal.
109. Nothing is the answer to everything
110. People are cannibals who eat themselves in order to sustain themselves

Con ngườI là những kẻ ăn thịt đồng loạI!!
111. Doom is a state of mind, a dark blue, blanket grey, black state of mind
112. You are born, you chug alone on rails, you pause at stations to let people on and off and you terminate; and there is nothing you can do about it… and that is the shape of despair.
113. Life is a fruitless search for a answer that doesn’t exist that seems to last longer than a Doom song but is actually over in a flash
114. Life is loneliness in a world of 6 billion people.

Cuộc sống là cô đơn trong 1 thế giớI 6 tỉ người
115. In all things, be alone.

Luôn luôn đơn độc
116. Doomsters like to moan about life

Thích kêu van về cuộc sống
117. Everything is bullTừ Vi Phạm and fake, and your dreams are insignificant.

118. Take each day at a time and card yesterday's burdens or they will crush you when you add them to tomorrows
119. Life is a ually transmitted ease
120. Life is pop-up hell

Cuộc ssóng là địa ngục đang hiện hữu
121. Life... don't talk to me about life

Đừng bàn them về cuộc sống tốI tăm này
122. Life is a JOKE... remember, NO LAUGHING!!

Cuộc sống là trò đùa, nhớ lấy, đừng bao giờ hân hoan về cái gì
123. Nothing is real
124. Ambition is like smoking face down in bed

Tham vọng như là bộ mặt trên giường đặc mùi thuốc
125. Happiness is keeping busy and not thinking too much
126. Happiness is about being happy that you're not sad about being unhappy.

hạnh phúc là trở nên hân hoan vì bạn không buồn cho dù mình “đang không hạnh phúc”!!hay hay
127. The music business is a monkey's arse.

Đưa thương mạI vào âm nhạc thì ngu như là lỗ đít của con khỉ
128. Judge a person by their record collection.

Phán sử mọI ngườI bởI âm nhạc của họ
129. There is no problem that cannot be solved by real ale
130. Love is a poisoned chalice and hate is the antidote
131. Life is like a chocolate box, some do without, others have plenty. It sticks in my throat, my stomach's in knots, while your box is so full, mine's perpetually empty
132. Hell is other people
133. A sunset is only electromagnetic radiation whose photons register in you eye sensors. Beauty is an illusion invented by postcard salesmen
134. Fail young, fail often
135. Avoid moments of clarity
136. Look forward to your last breath and the pleasure of that final appointment and say “Is that all there is? If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing, let's break out the booze and have a ball, if that's all there is”.
137. Never brush your teeth with a Noothgrush
138. Living is pointless, death is pointless, talking to others is pointless, so what’s my point?
139. Life is like a bookcase and happiness is candy on the top shelf and you're a four year old who can't reach. Just don’t be surprised when the whole lot crashes down on you when you climb up to reach it and the candy falls further out of reach… and then you die.
140. Be content to vanish into nothingness when you die for no show, however good, could conceivably be good forever
141. Reality is an internal representation, so don’t worry about it
142. Worry about your next meal instead of enjoying the one you have.
143. In all things be drunk.

Là kẻ nghiện ngập một thứ gì đó
144. Doomsters don’t take ‘Speed’, they take ‘Slow’
145. Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage and then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury signifying nothing.
146. Life is a 100 year mortgage that you can’t afford the payments on.
147. When your creativity have dried up and shrivelled like an old prune, sign up with Century Media and abandon Doom altogether and go MTV friendly, but still cite My Dying Bride as one of your major influences.
148. Insisting your latest album is the bleakest, and most haunting your band has ever recorded, even if it’s your debut.
149. Drone doomsters do go OooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNNnnn... nnnnnnnnnnnnNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNnnnnnnnNNNNNN... NNNnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn, sometimes.
150. Mournful Congregation would like to thank depression, pain, death, suicide, tain, misery, sadness, gloom dejection, melancholia, desolation, despondency, couragement, downheartedness, grief, suffering tress, anguish, torture, agony, torment woe, sorrow, Wretchedness, unhappiness, affliction, pleasure, misfortune, lamentation, mourning, solitude, solemnity and Doom.... and so should you.

tiếp tục..

[Metal]

151. Generally speaking Sludge Doomsters are angry, Gothic doomsters are sad, funeral doomsters are barely breathing, death doomsters are dirty, drunk and dribbling, Stoner Doomsters don't care, drone doomsters are out of it and traditional Doomsters are permanently pissed off, mainly with other doomsters.
152. Have at least one goat-related song on your new album
153. If you are from England become sad and embittered that no-one gives two fs about you, your band or your label, because in England nobody care about anything except their own little stash, nobody that is except those 30 people odd people who do turn up to see you play, and they are worth more than a stadium full of fair weather trend following wankers.
154. If half the audience hasn't left out of frustration before you've finished your first note, then you're playing too fast.
155. Trad Doom bands have to have Từ Vi Phạm singers, it's the law.

Luật đay! Trad Doom band phảI có Vocal vớI chất giộng khiếp muốn ĩa ra
156. No one else understands why a 2 note song is good, but you don't care.
157. Impaled Nazarene are Doom because of the shear number of goats involved.

158. Make sure your drummer's not awake during gigs. After the gig, wake him up and tell him he played fantastic.
159. Look very bored during parties. If anyone asks, say you amuse yourself.
160. Debuts are good. Follow-ups are repetition and sell-out.
161. Make fun of punks. remember though, you are open-minded.

Trêu tức bọn Punk
162. Trust me, your last gig was aweful.
163. Blame others for your lack of success if success is what you seek (you know who you are)
164. Make sure at least one member of your band owns a record label otherwise you'll never release anything other than CDRs.
165. If no one in your bands owns a record label then write rave reviews of the bands that do.
166. Don't mention Lee Dorian's singing ability. Remember, he owns a record label.
167. "The end will come for all these lies, life is worthless, life will die, there's no need to cry" --Douglas P.
168. Funeral Doomsters: Make sure you have a tuner connected to your guitar, it's bound to get out of tune between strikes.
169. Did the lights just go out or was that the night?
170. Expect the term 'Score' to mean one thing to a Funeral Doomster and something completely different to a Stoner Doomster.
171. Expect the phrase "Is there another key?" to mean one thing to a Death Doomster and something completely different to a Stoner Doomster.
172. The glass is half empty dummy.
173. Don't cry into your beer, it will water it down and make it taste salty.
174. Doom SHALL rise.
175. Doom or be doomed.
176. Say after me... "I will stay on this revolving globe of outrage until it breaks wind and collapses on itself".
177. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Khi có ngườI khác đi trên con đường của bạn,yhì bạn đã nhầm đường
178. Pour your heart and soul into designing a flyer, get them printed, then don't post them. It's connected with rule 91... Flyers = Sellout... remember, no one must know.
179. Always outnumber your audience in case they beat you up after the gig and nick your equipment
180. Tell everyone that your bandmembers are all 100% True Doom, even if the drummer's secretly into Trash, the guitarist's a closet Malmsteen fan and the bassplayer's so doped up he thinks he a Prog Rocker.
181. You can be in as many bands as you like, but just make sure that they all play the same stage on the same night, and ideally, sound exactly the same.
182. Get a girlfriend...she will double the audience!
183. Amaze your audience and get a full lineup together.
184. To be classified True™ doom you must obtain a signed certificate of authentication from Wino.
185. Any sign of progression or deviation from the True™ Doom path will result in debagging and expulsion from the’ Circle Of True Doom’™. graced band member's names will be struck from the 'Children of Doom' ™ register and Wino certification withdrawn.
186. The Swans are doom.
187. Doom is Rage without the aggression.
188. Don't try and headbang to Funeral Doom, you'll look ridiculous.
189. Rather than headbanging and looking amazingly ridiculous, prepare for your next funeral metal gig by avoiding , or touching your wankshaft for a couple of weeks, let your balls swell up to the size of melons, then on the night, drop your trousers and unleash you're awe inspiringly large testicles... arch your back... spread your legs wide... and sway them to and fro in time to the mega slow metal thereby avoiding any possibly headbanging embarrasing situation.
190. There is pleasure in grief.
191. Doom is the sound of inevitablility.
192. Don't pay by the hour for rehearsal space if you intend running through a few 'Until Death Overtakes Me' numbers.
193. The doomed mind is a terrible thing to taste so spice it up with some fava beans and a nice chianti
194. Doomed solo composers must have Funeral, Drone and Ambient projects and several combinations thereof on the go at any one time to be taken seriously.
195. Insist that all of these projects are different, even if they sound the same.
196. Claim you know the singer with My Dying Bride, or were present in the studio when they recorded 'Turn Loose the Swans'



tiếp tục sau Doom là Black<<hê hê

[Metal]

Rules of Black
1.Smoke weed and drink alcohol
Hút thuốc uống rượu
2. Hair must be shoulder length or longer, OR skin.

Tóc ít nhất cũng dài tớI vai hoặc trọc
3. Drummers must weigh either under 60kg, or over 120kg - NO in betweens.

Tay trống nhẹ hơn 60kg hay nặng hơn 120kg
4. Band logos must be totally undecipherable.

Logo của band chẳng ai hiểu đó là cái gì
5. Song tempos are only allowed to register under 40bpm (extreme), or over 240bpm (extreme).

Tốc độ của bài hát ở dướI 40 lần/phút hay hơn 240 lần/phút
6. Thank-you list must comprise of every extreme metal band in existence (even if you have never met the band or heard their music)

Cảm ơn tất cả các Metal Band tồn tạI,cho dù chưa bao giờ gặp họ hay nghe nhạc củac họ
7. Vocalist must be so extreme, that musical listening will not involve the trite metal genres. Only their own band and Chuck Berry are acceptable listening material.

Tột cùng nhất là Vocal
8. Drummer must be limited to blast beats and grind beats (even at 40bpm)

Trống phảI có tiếng nổ và xay nghiến thậm chí ở tốc độ 40
9. Profess the glory of Satan, especially if you are an atheist.

Tuyên bố sự tôn nghiêm của Sâtan, đặc biệt nếu là nhà vô thần
10. Sing about ancient cultures, and invent your own language to sing in.

Sáng tác về văn hoá cổ,khám phá những tiếng cổ để hát
11. Develop cancer or a tumor of some type.
12. Refer to 1
13. Wear every manner of injury inflicting clothing - manacles, bullet belts, spikey foot bands etc.

14. Sing about the dark lord and/or gore on your first album, and then onto politics and life on all proceeding albums, apparently you 'have matured'.
Hát về thần chết hoặc máu me trong album đầu,Sau đó thiên về chính trị và cuộc sống.Bề ngoài thì đã có vẻ trưởng thành

15. Wear black. ALWAYS.

Luôn mặc đồ đen
16. Drive a funeral car as transportation for the band.

Phương tiện đi lạI là cái xe hơi trông sắp chết
17. Release an album, then a year later, re-release it with a bonus track just to make people buy the album again.
18. Record twice as many songs as you plan to release, then ten year's later release it as a collector's item.

Thu lạI mỗI bài 2 lần trong một thờI kì và 10 năm sau ghi lạI trong album collection
19. Record a whole bunch of new songs, add a high frequency hiss, and cut the low freqencies, then release it as 'pre-band demo recordings'
20. Guitars must be shaped so that they may be used as a grevous weapon.

Ghi ta phảI sắc và dung như vũ khí lợI hại
21. Never ever have the same band line up for any album or tour.

Luôn thay đổI nhân sự sau mỗI album hay tour
22. Feud with the band members that move on to other bands (good publicity).

THù hận những kẻ đào ngũ
23. Pretend that you 'hail from Norway'.

Làm ra vẽ”mình là trận cuồng phong tớI ỳư NAUY”
24. Do as many side projects that are humanly possible in your extreme time budget. One band, at least, must feature a female singer (your wife, caus no one else is extreme enough).
25. Albums should either be less than thirty minutes, or exactly sixty six miutes and six seconds.

Album ngắn hơn 30 phút,hay thạm chí chính xác 60 phút 6 giây
26. In summer, black clothing can be hand torn into singlets and shorts to deal with heat (NEVER use scissors)
27. Have a royal throne for a toilet seat/table seat/car seat etc.

Có một ghế của hoàng đế trong TOIlet,bàn hay xe hơi

28. Marry either, a darling cute librarian girl, or a girl with so many piercings, she has more metal in her than a Massey Fergusen tractor.
29. Have 52 metal t-shirts - one for each week of the year.

Có hơn 52 áo Metal T-shỉrt- mỗI cái cho mõi tuần
30. Play only Jackson and/or B.C.Rich guitars.
31. The first letter of every album titles must start at A, and then progress through the alphabet. (Altars of Madness, Blessed Are the Sick, Covenant . . . )
32. Become a 'specialist producer' of extreme metal, and build your very own studio in the heart of the Norwegian forest (helps with Forest Metal).
33. Forest metal is running round a DARk forest, with a $10 Casio Keyboard, and a $5 microphone, records your new 'extreme atmospheric roject'
34. Sing about serial killers only after you've met one and formed a relationship with them.
Sáng tác về kẻ giết ngườI chỉ sau khi gặp họ và có 1 mốI quan hệ

[Metal]

35. Never play in key. Chromaticism is the only way.

Chơi gam nửa cung
36. Let keyboard players 'jump' from band to band (its the only jumping they're allowed to do).

Chỉ có tay chơi Keyboard được đào ngũ thoảI mái
37. Claim to have burnt down a church and gone to jail for it (even if you really haven't).
38. Say the word 'EXTREME' and cross your arms in a X shape when you shout it, as often as possible
39. Play the bass finer style if feeling especially extreme.

Chơi Bass dạng Finland nếu cảm thấy tộ cùng
40. Play drums barefoot, or in white socks if feeling especially extreme.

Chơi trống bằng tay không hặc bằng miéng lót giày nếu thấy sung sướng
41. Call everyone 'Sons of Satan' even if you are addressing a female.

GọI mọI ngườI là con trai của Sâtan ngay cả khi đó là 1 quý cô
42. Be involved in the porn industry in any way possible, preferably as an actor called 'Penetrator' or 'Frosty-Spire'
43. Play only Axis bass drum pedals.

44. Take speed to be the fastest band on earth.
Tốc đọ cao nhất có thể

45. Smoke weed to be the slowest band on earth.

Hút thuuốc để trở thành BANd chậm nhất
46. Guitars must be tuned lower than Ab before they are considered extreme.
47. Guitar solos must not sound anything like Yngwie Malmsteen or blues, solos must be so fast that fingers bleed.

Solo Guitar không được giống kiểu của Yngwie Malmsteen hay Blues

Solo phảI chơi nhanh và làm cho tay mình trầy máu ra


48. Resurrect Từ Vi Phạmty black metal bands, call yourself 'cult' and then release albums with the Từ Vi Phạmtiest possible production (by refering to rule 33).
49. Television viewing media is restricted to 'The Simpsons' and 'Homicide'.
50. List 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' as your all time favourite movie, only after 'Debbie Does Dallas'.
51. Tour every country possible, but NEVER EVER New Zealand.

Đi tour mọI nơi,trừ New Zealand

52. Support established extreme metal acts, become famous, and even bigger than these acts, then never have anything to do with them again.
53. Drummers: 3 bars of blast beats followed by 1 bar of drum fills. Repeat. Do not deviate from this pattern, failure to follow these instructions may make you less extreme.
54. Marshall amps suck - Mesa Boogie amps rule.
55. Never use your real name, claim you were given the name 'Persecuter' at birth, by your extreme parents.
56. Call your band 'The Next Generation in Extreme Metal' (don't forget to cross your arms) even if you sound like you came straight from the 80's.
57. Make sure your band name is the same as another band's name in the other hemisphere.

Làm cho tên band nghe như tớI từ hành tinh khác vậy
58. Cite Darkthrone as a major influence (even if you have never heard them).

Nói rằng Darkhrone ảnh hưởng tớI bạn cho dù chưa nghe nhạc của chúng bao giờ

59. Have even more turbing album artwork than the last 'yesterday' extreme band. Hire a professional uber-gore-meister-artist (primarily yourself - don't forget to change your name).
60. Murder a person in another band to elevate yourself to extreme infamousness - publicity helps.
61. Say that you've recorded at Morrisound Studios, Florida, USA, with Scott Burns as producer.
62. Organise tours with at least 9 bands on the bill.

Tờ quảng cáo tour có hơn 9 band
63. If you are the main act, leave only enough room on the stage for all the other bands to fit on, except for the drummer.

Nếu là chủ Tour,chỉ dành chỗ vừa đủ trên Sân khấu cho tất cả cá band khác.Trừ tay trống

64. Always have two (or more) bass drums.

Ít nhất là có 2 trống trầm
65. Head band until you get told by the doctor that those headaches indicate the possibility of serious brain damage. Carry on headbanging anyway because it is extreme.
66. When singing live, always do 'vocal bails' - do a low growl, because you know that when you go pussy high, you are going to fail it miserably.
67. Refer to 1.
68. Tell everyone that you are going to write all album material by yourself because the music and lyrics are headed in the wrong direction.

[Metal]

69. Join your wife's band.
70. Record an extreme metal vi in ONLY ONE (1) of FOUR (4) possibly locations i) A Church, ii) A Graveyard, iii) A Forest, iv) A Castle.

Ghi những đoạn Vi metal tuyệt cùng nhất có thể ở những nơi sau:Chùa,nghĩa địa,rừng,pháo đài

71. If rule 70 ends up being too extensive, paint your band practice room black (it should be already, unless you are un-extreme), wear all black, and have different coloured instruments, so that viewers can only make out them, and your faces (which are white).
72. Bite a dove's head off (or substitue for any form of fowl)
73. All band photos must involve you holding a gun or axe.

Pho to của band bắt buộc có khẩu sung hay cái rìu

74. All band photos must feature naked women looking like your loyal slaves.

Phôt phảI có một cô gái naked trông như là nô lệ trung thành của bạn vậy

75. Get rid of your drummer because he is too slow - get a drum machine instead.

LoạI bỏ tay trống vì hắn chơi quá chậm,dung trống điện tử vậy

76. Sing in as many different bands as you can possibly whore yourself too, and be totally un-committed to any of them. Unreliable as * = extreme.
77. Record a Slayer cover.

Cover lạI 1 bài của Slayer

78. After a band 'calls it a day', attempt to contact Rob Halford to start a new band.
79. Or alternatively, Phil Anselmo to ressurect a dead band.
80. Rip off as many samples from horror movies as possible to use in your extreme album. Copyright is for pussies.
81. Triggered drums are the only way to go, even if your snare sounds like a 6" tom.
82. Experience a heroin overdose, live through it, and say that you had to come back because Satan told you that you must piss more people off.
83. Say that you are a Satanist and that you only listen to black metal.
84. Say 'Morbid Angel is the best fing death metal band in the world".
85. A toilet is the best place to keep beer and alcohol chilled.
86. Kill your offspring if they become house/trance DJ's.
87. Admit you used to air guitar to KISS and that Gene Simmons is your God.
88. Listen and air drum to Motley Crue's 'Dr. FeelGood' album (yes its ok to do that).
89. Splatter as much fake blood on stage and your audience as stated in the rules of accordance in hiring your venue.
90. Wait, rules are for pussies.
91. Try to get your long hair stuck in as many people's mouths as possible in the audience.
92. Sing so brutal and low, so that people who even know your lyrics, can't sing along, thus sound pussy in comparison to you. Exert your EXTREME DOMINANCE.
93. Recording a jam session in a blizzard on the snowy slopes of Norway is part of the pre-production for your new album.
94. Destroy as many hotel rooms as possible while on tour.
95. Beware of power metal album covers that look like black metal album covers - deception can be brutal.
96. Your middle name must be that of a weapon, succeeded by the word 'The'. eg. "John 'The Missle/Axe/Torpedo' Smith"
97. Wearing leather pants means they must be tight enough to show a dick print.
98. Corpse paint is compulsory when meeting the inlaws.
99. Lay down the smack on all people not as extreme as you, exert your dominance extremely.
100. Work/Live by a steel factory and claim that 'metal has been in my blood from a young age' (caus there was no restriction on air pollution).
101. The most important rule of extreme metal: 'In order to create art of the most truest form of extreme metal, one must live it. Kill yourself and die, and only then can you write and perform the most extreme of X-TREME metal possible.

hết
tiếp sau Black là Pro

[Metal]

Rules of Pro



1:Insist that your definition of prog metal is sacred and that the only progressive bands are the one you deem to be so.

Cho rằng sự định nghĩa của mình về pro là thiêng liêng và chỉ có Pro band là thiêng liêng
2. Accuse anyone who agrees with you regarding rule 1 of lacking musical intelligence and not being a true prog fan.

Tất cả những thằng không đồng ý vớI luật 1 là thiếu hiểu biết âm nhạc và không phảI là True Proed
3. Have contempt for mainstream music.

Coi khinh nhạc thị trường
4. Insist that most people listen not to the music, not to the lyrics but only the chorus and that is why prog metal is not mainstream.

Cho rằng hầu hết những kẻ khác không để ý tớI nhạc,lờ mà chỉ chú ý Chorus. Đó cũng là lý do để Pro không mang tính thương mại
5. Accuse anyone who agrees with you regarding rule 4 of lacking musical intelligence and not being a true prog fan.
6. When showcasing a new prog metal band to a non-musician friend, put on the most technically difficult song, and skip directly to the solo part.

Khi có một đĩa mớI của 1 band Pro không quen thuộc,chú ý tớI những đoạn đánh kĩ thuật nhất vá đặc biệt chú ý đoạn solo
7. If your friend says that it is cool, tell him that he has grasped the grandeur of prog and shown that his intelligence is superior to that of the mainstream sheep.

Khi có ai khen ngợI Pro,nói vớI gã rằng đã tiếp cận vớI sự trang nghiêm và chỉ ra rằng anh ta khôn ngoan hơn những kẻ nghe nhạc phổ thông
8. If he doesn´t, accuse him of lacking musical intelligence and not being a true prog fan.
9. Renounce all contact with friend in rule 8. Racial purity isn´t all bad.
10. Make sure your drummer has a double bass pedal.

Bắt buộc tay trống trong band của mình có “ Double Bass Pedal”
11. If he hasn´t, kick him out and get another one who has. Single pedal is NOT prog.

Single pedal không là Pro!
12. Own every side-project a member of Dream Theater has been involved in. Listen to approximately none of them regularly.

Sở hữu mọI thứ mà có một mem của DreamTheater dính líu vào,nhưng hầu như chẳng bao giờ nghe
13. When a mainstream fool asks you what prog metal is, tell him something along the lines of "prog is the evolution of musical expression and experimentalism in rock." In any case, make sure that the person in question is left with no idea of what prog metal is. He wouldn´t have understood anyway.

Khi những con cừu thị trường hỏI bạn Pro là gì ,nói vớI hắn kiểu:Pro là sự tiến hoá tiếp theo của âm nhạc và được áp dụng trong Rock.Và đảm bảo vớI vốn âm nhạc hạn hẹp của hắn,hắn sẽ hiểu gì và không bao giơ dám hỏI nữa
14. Insist that music should always progress, although as long as you write an album in the prog vein, you don’t necessarily have to.

Cho rằng âm nhạc ngườI khác phảI là Pro,mặc dù khi bạn viết album điệu Pro, điều đó là không cần thiết!

15. Accuse anyone who agrees with you regarding rule 14 of lacking musical intelligence and not being a true prog fan.
16. Refer to progressive metal as intelligent music for intelligent people, preferably at every occasion where a mainstream group or genre is mentioned.

Hơi hách dịch 1 tí khi cho rằng Pro là loạI nhạc cao cấp dành cho những ngườI cấp cao, đặc biệt ở những nơi Xu thế nhạc thờI thượng được đề cập
17. Note that the above does not qualify as arrogance any more than pointing out that wine is drink for the more sophisticated.
18. A song under four minutes is NOT prog. If you are stuck with a song under four minutes, insert a phrygian solo trade-off between the guitarist and keyboart as long as needed.

Không có bài Pro nào ngắn hơn 4 phút.Nếu có bài ngắn hơn,nagy lập tức them đoạn Solo điều hoà giữa Ghita và Keyboard

Cho đủ dài
19. If a mainstream fool tells you that shredders are mindless wankers, tell him that "at least they can tune their guitars, har har", and walk away defiantly.

Nếu có 1 kẻ chơi nhạc thời thượng nói rằng nhạc của bạn là ngu xuẩn.Trả lời rằng ít nhất anh ta thử lên dây ghita xem, và bạn bước đi 1 cách trịnh thượng
20. Spocks Beard is NOT prog. If anyone agrees, kill them.

Đập chết thằng nào nói rằng Spocks Beard là Pro

21. Humming along with the melody to a prog metal song is forbidden. Burn all albums you own with hum-along melodies.
22. Loathe all music you used to like before you got into prog. This is not optional. When asked why, tell people that "I am into GOOD music now, why would I go back?".
23. Accuse any prog metal musician that cuts his hair of selling out.
24. Often state that you don´t only listen to prog. Jazz is a good choice.

Thường phát biểu rằng mình không chỉ nghe mỗI Pro,tất nhiên Jazz là một lựa chọn!
25. Yeah...like you have more than 3 jazz CDs in your collection...

26. Never accept ANY Berklee graduates. The drop-outs are so much better.
27. Riffs in 4/4 are not progressive. If you happen to come up with a cool riff in 4/4, alternate between 4/4 and progressive

time signatures like 7/8 every other measure to ensure the musical complexity synonymous with prog metal.

Riff 4/4 không phảI là Pro.nếu có 1 đoạn Riff hay ở cung 4/4,chơi xen kẽ giữa 4/4 và pro để đảm bảo độ phức tạp vớI Pro
28. Be able to mention 20 bands noone has heard of, not even true prog fans. Own no releases of these bands.

29. Get an Ibanez. This is not negotiable.

30. Spend 5 hours every day critiquing other musicians on forums.

Sử dụng 5 giờ mỗI ngày chỉ trchs các tác giả khác trong các Forums
31. Spend 5 minutes every other day actually practicing your instrument.

Sử dụng 5 phút mỗI ngày thực hành chơi nhạc
32. Yell at people who headbang at concerts: They`re not prog enough to get the music, what do they expect?

Khio có một kẻ ngoạI đạo đi xem Pro.Kêu la rằng hắn không có đủ “hiểu biết” để xem
33. Sus4 is your friend. To ensure that your album is a true progressive release, include at least one part where the keyboard plays ascending sus4 chords over a single-note broken rhythm in 7/8.
34. Make sure your bandname is either a
a) Oxymoron
-Silent Noise
-Tender Harshness
-Healing Gun
Some geeky sounding name ripped from some obscure book.
-Deitronus
-Tarakoch
-Fentaran
or
c) Random combination of at least 2 three-syllable words.
-Eternal Twilight Tranquility (Can`t get much progger than that)
-Redolent Arithmetic
-Evolution of Vernacular Domesticated
35. Don`t worry about if your band name makes any sense or not. Since 90% of your fanbase is from Brazil and Japan, you can safely ignore conventional English grammar and instead focus on what´s really important: The lyrics (see rule 36).
36. Write deep and ambiguous lyrics.

Viết LờI sâu xắc
37. If unable to write deep and ambigous lyrics, include at least one of the following phrases to ensure recognition as lyrical genius in prog circles:

Nếu không thể viết lờI đa nghĩa như vậy, đảm bảo có 1 ít nhất cụm từ đa nghĩa để ra Pro như là
"I`m staring towards ascension divine, caught in my own revelation, a nightly mystery of soulburning apparition"
"Mornings` gentle caress, a ray of sunlight enveloping the spirit of the sleeper ventriloquist"
"A timid, palatable genocide, turn towards the decline of mankind, the festering wound of ages past changes into the soul-spirit of vestigial sentences."
38. Use a non-standard instrument like violin, saxophone or kazoo, regardless of how idiosyncratic it turns out to be. This constitutes being prog.

Sử dụng 1 nhạc cụ không truyền thống như là violin, saxophone or kazoo ,bất chấp việc
39. Make sure your bass-player has as many strings as possible. Don`t worry if he uses approximately three of the 11 strings on his custom Carvin 30 kg bass regularly, just give him a bass solo in the middle of your mandatory instrumental tune(more on that later)where he can really show the extent of his instruments capabilities. Imagine the range of scales on an instrument like that!
40. Release a live-album called "Live in Tokyo".

Sản xuất 1 Live- album gọI là Live in Tokyo<vùng đất béo bở
41. Change time signatures. Constantly.
42. Accuse anyone who does not do so of lacking musical intelligence and not being a true progressive musician.
43. Your amp MUST be a Mesa Boogie. If a friend of yours tries to convince you´re wrong and you should check out his Marshall tell him that his tone is thin and buzzy.
44. State that Metallica can´t properly tweak the boogies. They´re so... unprog!

Phát biểu rằng Metallica Không thể chơi điệu Boogies.Bọn chúng thật không thể là Pro
45. Start a Dream Theater cover band with friends just starting out playing instruments. Spend half of the rehearsal talking Từ Vi Phạm about punk bands and how people don`t understand your music.
46. Play a Từ Vi Phạmty version of a humongously difficult DT song at a Battle of the Bands-type contest. Metropolis Part 1 or Dance of Eternity are both good choices, as is Erotomania.
47. When your band ends up last, shift all blame over to the judges; hey, they have no idea what good music is! Why else would they let that boring pop band win?
48. Talking about starting playing an instrument; always start with the most technically difficult song you know. Remember, this is a testament to your immense talent, so be sure to mention this on every internet community you happen to frequent.
49. When are you able to play something at half speed very sloppy, proudly state that you "nail" the song in question.
50. People are bound to ask for a recording of the feat mentioned in rule 49. However, you are not able to provide it to them, because a) your recording equipment got solved by digestive acid yesterday, you don`t need to prove anything to people. Your word should be good enough c) you don`t know anything about computers (even though you sit by one most of the day), as you spend most of your day practicing your instrument.

[Metal]

51. Tool is NOT prog. If anyone insists they are, kill them.
52. Hate Falling into Infinity. If the feeling that you actually enjoy FII(even the "proggier" songs like TOT)sneaks up on you during a glitch of concentration, remind yourself that DT sold out.
53. Actually, state that DT sold out on every good occasion. This means every time their name is mentioned.

Cho rằng mỗI khi đề cập tớI Dream Theater là một dịp để quảng bá
54. Don´t be John Arch. Insist that any pre-Alder Fates is 100% not prog..

Cho rằng không có band nào trước Alder Fates là Pro
55. Do not move on stage. Don`t under any circumstances forget that nobody at prog concerts pays attention to the audience, including the band.

56. The best songs are those that are over 15 minutes, have multiple named sections, and have solos by everyone in the band INCLUDING the drummer.

Bài tốt nhất phảI trên 15 phút.bài này có một cái tên phức tạp và Có đoạn Solo cho mỗI mem của band,thậm chí cả tay trống
57. Accuse anyone who agrees with you regarding rule 56 of lacking musical inteli...Yeah, you`ve got it now, haven`t you?
58. Never ever under any circumstances say "Six Degrees Of Inner Turbulence ruled."
59. Never let anyone tell you that Dave Weckl is better than any prog metal drummer. If they still insist, don`t kill them, but rather put on the Mike Portnoy drum solo from 1993`s "Live in Tokyo" vid, which still today is the benchmark for good drumming, REGARDLESS of genre.

Không bao giờ công nhận nếu thằng nào nói rằng Dave Weckl chơi hay hơn mọI Pro Drummer khác.Nếu gã cứ khăng khăng như vậy,không dập chết hắn nhưng đưa ra ví dụ là đoạn Solo của Mike năm 1993 để làm chuẩn, mặc cho đoạn hắn chơi không phảI là Pro!
60. It would still be a good idea to have that gun ready, though.
61. Drummers: Huge kits are MANDATORY!!!! If all you have is a 4-piece with 3 crappy cymbals, then you don´t belong on stage. A 5-piece single bass drum kit is the bare minimum and even that´s on the edges of bare bones. If you have a tiny kit BUY MORE DRUMS AND CYMBALS!!!!!!!

bạn là tay trống: Luôn mang dàn trống đồ sộ .Nếu chỉ có 4 trống và 3 CYMBAL không hấp dẫn lắm.Bạn sẽ không ra sân khấu ,5 trống trầm là con số tốI thiểu
62. No, 6 toms are not enough, MORE DRUMS AND CYMBALS!!!!

Nhiều Drum và Cymbal hơn nếu còn có thể
63. Reform with old members and release an album intended to make up for years of bad reception from fans (see Yes) or claim your next album will be a return to past glory (see Queensryche). If it flops, be sure to blame a producer or record company.

64. When someone asks you why prog metal isn`t more popular if it is so darned good, tell them that it is because "it is over the mainstream peoples heads".

Khi có ai hỏI rằng tạI sao Pro không nổI tiếng cho dù quá hay.Trả lờI rằng bởI vì Pro làm cho những đầu óc nghe nhạc thị trường hiểu gì cả
65. Talent = Technical skill. Hail any band with lightning-speed solos for their immense talent.

Tài năng tương đương kĩ thuật cao.Những band càng talented thì càng có những đoạn Solo nhanh như chớp và dồn dập như mưa đá
66. Publicly state that your band is non-religious, then make many religious and/or spiritual allusions in the lyrics.

Công khai quan điểm là âm nhcạ của mình không mang tư tưởng tôn giáo .Nhưng sau đó lờI lẽ bài hát lạI quá religious
67. Stress your openmindedness. State that you like all forms of music, except lower forms of music like pop, rock `n roll, blues, techno, trance, rap.

Nhấn mạnh quan diểm phóng khoáng trong âm nhạc,như là thích đưa nhiều điệu vào,trừ những điệu “yếu kém” như pop, rock `n roll, blues, techno, trance, rap.

68. Accuse fans of the aforementioned genres of not being openminded.

Lên án những Fan của các dòng kể trên là có đầu óc thiển cận trong âm nhạc
69. Get a Kurzweil. As the unputed <<>>, Jordan Rudess plays it, you have no choice but to get one yourself, no matter what synthezisers you actually like. ALL BOW TO THE MIGHTY 88-KEY <<>> KURZWEIL!!!
70. ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNO-KURZWEIL!!!!(Futuruma fans will know what I`m talking about)
71. Show off with your equipment. Show off with your playing/singing. Show off with your *ahem* length. Show off with your girlfriend. Show off with anything you can think of. Show off with your DOG for god´s sake.
72. Get a dog.
73. Play air-drums or air-guitar at concerts. This will make sure that other prog fans recognize your immense talent.
74. Stuck in song-writing? Insert a part with a slow single-note gallop rhythm where the singer yells "ENTER THE SUUUNNNNNNNN" several times.

Sa lầy trong ca từ.hãy nghe Vocal hát kiêủ "ENTER THE SUUUNNNNNNNN" nhiều lần
75. Note that you can substitute "ENTER THE SUUUNNNNNNNNN" for either of the following: "FATHER, MY ADOLESCENCY IS AGONNNNNYYYYYYY" or "THE APPARITION DIVIIIIIINNNNEEEE". All three are suitable choices.
76. What do you mean, you haven`t trigged your bassdrum?
77. Remember, faster=more progressive. Slow songs cannot be progressive, best example would be Pink Floyd.

Cho rằng chơi nhanh hơn thì Pro hơn.lấy ví dụ chậm chạp của” Pink Floyd”
78. If anyone says PF are prog, kindly refer them to rule 1 while you prepare to do a "Varg", so to say.

Nếu ai cho rằng PinkF là pro.Lôi lạI luật 1
79. During recording, make sure that you accuse the producer, the recording engineer and half of your band of not playing the song properly at least once.
80. Make sure your album cover contains either a psychedelic computer-drawn image, a lavish painting with mythological figures, or is illustrated by Travis Smith.
81. Write epics.

Viết những” thiên anh hùng ca”
82. In case you didn`t know, epics must be about adolescency, concerning a legend, or a deep dystopian tale where a cheesy fictional city/world/pizza shop serves as a metaphor for this world.
83. Have racks with loads of equipment.
84. Have racks without equipment. Who is going to see them if you don`t play them?
85. No intro for your song? Insert a single-note broken rhythm accented on the snare, with shifting keyboard chords underneath.
86. Refuse to lend prog CDs to mainstream friends. When asked why, tell him/her that (s)he "will understand when (s)he matures"
87. When playing ANY gig, from the lowliest bar to the most gargantuan arena, be sure that no member of the audience will leave without having heard every lick you are able to play.
88. Have at least 5 solo spots during a concert.

Có ít nhất % đoạn Solo” bẩn” trong buổI diễn
89. In case you have forgotten while reading this, prog metal is intelligent music for intelligent people.
90. No, Marillion is not prog. I kindly refer you to rule 20.
91. BOOOM!!!
92. Buy new albums from past prog-greats.
93. When they turn out to be crap and nothing like the old albums, hit yourself in the head with a hammer until you like them.
94. Hold that there is no bad prog, only DIFFERENT.
95. Of course, that only applies to bands you like. See Rule 1.
96. In case you wondered, Dream Theater is and will always be the benchmark for prog metal. The more something sounds like Images and Words, the more progressive it is.
97. Proclaim Rule 96 to people with a straight face in all seriousness. This is not optional.
98. Have side-projects. Make sure that all side-projects consist of pointless jamming over endless repetitions of clicheed riffs.
99. Make sure that at least one of your side-projects feature Mike Portnoy on drums.
100. If you cannot get Mike Portnoy, get someone who sounds like him.
101. You mean you have been reading this when you could have been practicing along to Metropolis Part II or composing a sidelong epic? For shame!!!!

[Metal]

rules for DEATHMETAL!



1. Be Brutal

2. dont be gay

Chơi ONLy Death

3. Any one who isnt brutal, is gay...

Không Brutal >>>> Gay

4. be gore

Nghe hộc máu ra

5. try and be brutal gore if at all possible

Kết Hợp 1 và 3 nếu có thể

6. Dont sit and watch any bands at any concerts, you must mosh, even if you hate the band.

Không cần để ý bọn Khác chơi gì trong các buổI diễn

7. Use the word "crushing" to describe things that are cool.

cảnh ‘đập vào nhau’ là cảnh ấn tượng nhất

8. blast beats mean good drumming

Trống hay là trống tạo ra tiếng tức điên lên

9. never under any circumstances listen to....

10.six feet under

là Six Feet Under

11.dont be Chris Barnes

Không là Chris Barnes

12.if someone asks you if you like Cannibal Corpse, only say Chris Barnes CC, but maintaining your hate for him all the while

Nếu có ai hỏI tạI sao khoái Cannibal Corpse.chỉ nói về Chris barnes.Nhưng luôn nhắc là ghét nó Ntn

13.if in doubt, use some verb for vomiting in a song/ album title.

nếu đang do dự.Sử dụng những từ gây nôn mửa trong bài hát hay tên bài

14.GORE OWNS YOU POSERS

Luôn trong tư thế Gore

15.Anything not ruthless or brutal is gay.

Không Brutal là gay,bất kể thờI điểm nào

16. Maiden is pussy music, it doesnt crush...

nhạc của Maiden là ngu.Nó không nghiền nát đôi tai ngườI nghe

17.for some reason, you must accept syl as deathmetal....

Syl cũng có thể coi là Death

18.when your mom asks you to take out the trash, smash her face with a hammer, and rape her infront of your sister, then exhume a corpse and have a threesome with it and your mother

KHiếp quá<dịch mất thể diện

19.old cannibal owns\m/

Sở hữu môt xác chết

20. hate old cannibal

21. when your mom makes you take the trash out via threats of violence tell her you only did it because your ruthless enough to handle anything, then kick the trashcan.

22. make fun of numetal using drop tuned 7s and simple riffs, then be in a band that does exactly that.

Trêu tức dân Nu sử dụng Drop tuned 7 giây và Riff tầm thường,nhưng sau đó tham gia vào một Band y như vậy

23. suffocation must be worshiped and copied no matter what.

Tôn thờ sự nghẹt thở

24. name your band gorge

tên band làm ngườI khác buồn Nôn

25. do a slayer cover.

bộ dạng cả 1 tên sát nhân

26. when in doubt say BRUTAL DEATH METAL!

Khi hồ nghi nói rằng mình là BRUTAL DEATH METAL

27. smash crosses

đập nát cây thánh giá



28. youre not trying hard enough to be brutal

Mình không phảI quá cố gắng để trở nên Brutal

29. having a girlfriend is gay, it makes you less brutal

Có một ngườI tình không chơi Death,làm bạn ít Brutal đi

30. say you love Cryptopsy, but hate all albums besides None So Vile.

Công khai khoái Cryptopsy,nhưng ghét m ọI Album cùng thờI None So Vile.

31. Blast beats can fill ANYTHING.

Đánh làm cho Fan tức điên lên là đủ

32. BLAST BEATS ARE BRUTAL:@

33. try as hard as you can to be gross, at the expense the entire band.

Càng thô bạo càng tốt,cống hiến thậm chí mọI thứ của band

[Metal]

34. you can never have enough Carcass clones....

Không bao giờ thu nhập đủ xác chết

35. alas...dont be Dani Filth..

Đừng như Dani Filth

36. Say that all American deathmetal sucks, pite the fact that most European bands are just copies of the American invented sound.

Nói rằng Death mỹ là đứa con đẻ sau.cho dù các band châu âu chỉ Copy những nền tảng âm thanh của họ

37. admit devin townsend is your lord and savior.

38. dont be grim

có thể lay chuyển

39. its perfectly plausable to be true and brutal in concurrance.

Là hoàn hảo nếu True và Brutal

kết hợp lại

40. necro is cool, be necro....necro is used in deathmetal song titles....be necro...

Luôn chép lạI tiểu sử ngườI chết.Là cool đấy

41. sing about outragous gore, why god sucks...as much as possible.

42. infact...gorey deaths of jesus are what you should sing about, so sing...

Hãy hát về cái chết của chúa ,luôn như vậy đấy

43. if in a chatroom. kick and ban as many as possible to prove your brutality.

Trong khi nói chuyện, đấm đá và cấm đoán để Brutal hơn

44. rap is not brutal.

45. if your girlfriend makes you listen to rap, berate her until the relationship dies.

Nếu bạn gá bắt nghe rap.Mắng cho tớI khi mốI quan hệ trên biến mất

46. wiggers are the declared enemy.



47. the low end of the bass is never too low, infact it could be even heavyer, tune down another step.

Cái kết chậm của Bass không bao giờ quá chậm.thậm chí có thể nặng hơn

48. worship flo from cryptopsy

49. be racist and talk about suffocations ownage in the same sentence.

Là kẻ phân biệt chủng tộc và nói về sự bó buộc của mình

50. name your band gorge.

Tên band gây buồn nôn chóng mặt

60. when asked what deathmetal stands for say "DeathMetal is the soundtrack to societys end, mankind is useless, its the raw essence of nature and its brutality!" when the real reason you listen to it is blastbeats and funny lyrics.

Trả lờI những câu hỏI rằng Death là phần ghi lạI những cái kết của XH,loài ngườI thật vô dụng.Cốt loãi tự nhiên là những sự tàn ác.nguyên nhân để tớI vớI Death Metal là nhạc tức điên lên và lờI châm biếm xã hội

61. hate punk

Ghét Punk

62. seriously, hate punk, and anything else weak.

Ghét tất cả những gì yếu đuối

63. feelings other then that of rage, the will to commit murder, or brutality are not true, nor are they brutal.

64. if you cry, you are not DEATHMETAL.

Không khóc

65. hate powermetal.

GHét power

66. sing about corpses

Hát về những xác chết

[Metal]

67. when you pull a skinless and become commerical deathcore...say you did it for artistic integrity

68. hate new slayer

69. denouce slayer as not an inovator of deathmetal at all...

Lên tiếng rằng Những tên sát nhân không là …

70. secretly love slayer

Trong thâm tâm khoái mấy tên sát nhân

71. only admit to liking a few slipknot songs when drunk.

Chỉ thú nhận thích vài bài của Slipknot khi say

72. SLIPKNOT!?s:slkhD WHAT?

73. Pretend members of your family apprecaite deathmetal at 3 am.

LÀm như mọI ngườI trong gia đình mình nghe Death lúc 3 am

74. insist on talking to uninterested parties about deathmetal and assume they understand what NUMETAL means, what blastbeats are, and care why Morbid Angel crushes.

75. Insit that suffocation are gods...

76. numetal is fing gay.

Nu=f+gay

77. seriously, ever heard the band staind? wow, you just wanna slap aaron lewises bald head with a hammer.

Nghiêm trọng thay, đã nghe được vết nhơ của band.chỉ muốn đập mấy thằng trọc bằng búa tảng



78. Greet only with Hail.

Chào hỏI bằng loạt” mưa đá”

79. if someone is especialy brutal say "HAIL MOTHERfER"

Brutal tuyệt đỉnh="HAIL MOTHERfER"



80. copy the 101 rules for blackmetal for ideas.

Tư tưởng Cop một phần từ Black

81. necro, any form of vomit, or misanthrope own and should be done as much as possible, to the point you want to smash stuff with hammers.

82. Hammers are cool.

83. the word OWN is the best word for any situation.

84. this owns

85. Hammers own.

86. BRUTAL DEATH fING METAL!!! RRRAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

87. Kill posers, with hammers....

89. Dont be Fear Factory

90. entrails are fun to sing about...

Ruột ngườI thật thú vị

91. in addition to hammers and guts, chainsaws are also fun fun.

92. never use the term "fun fun"

93. Do stupid stunts that will no doubt prove your "brutality"

94. if its brutal, it owns.

95. Say you want to f Angela Gassow, but hate her music.

96. Dont be Chris Barnes, seriously....

97. Say your favorite band is Death, but never listen to them.

Nói rằng khoái Death,nhưng mấy khi nghe bọn chúng

98. "ruthless" is another welcomed addition to your vocabulary.

99. Hate inflames

ghét Inflames

100. You liked Inflames 3 years ago, but now youve always hated them

Vừa mớI ghét Inflames,nhưng 3 năm trước còn khoái nó

101. What the f are you still reading this for...pick up a chainsaw and attack some posers!!!

Lấy cái búa đập chết những thằng giả tạo

[younggun]

hơ đọc xong chắc hết ngày luôn, chắc phải copy về đọc thôi, nhưng mà này, cuộc sống là của mỗi người tại sao cứ phải đi theo một lối mòn của người khác chứ.
Âm nhạc cũng vậy thôi, nghe để tự tìm ra cái mới mẻ chứ không nên ... chỉ biết theo những gì người ta nói

[hoanghuyae]

Chú Hiếu lắm cái hay, cứ post hết lên cho hoàng tráng, nói thật là về nguồn thì box này Deck thua forum không sâu, không chuyên nào !
Còn về mấy cái Rules này, chắc chỉ đọc cho biết , anh cũng không thích lắm mấy cái trò vớ vẩn này, có đợt đọc mấy bài về Black, thấy mấy cái lý luận Từ Vi Phạm không chụi được ! :))

[Metal]

Em còn mấy cái của NU-THrash-Poprock-vvvvv
Nói chung là đang yếu ngoại ngữ > mang về dịch chỡ đỡ buồn.Đọc nhiểu cái thấy tức cười
Còn phần nào chưa có mời anh em dịch hộ
Rules kia hầu hết phần đúng,tất nhiên có cái cũng không đúng với 1 số ngươì,ai nghe nhiều thì nhận ra. post lên đây chỉ là để cho anh em suy ngẫm

[puzo]

lâu lắm rồi không còn thấy say mê đọc mấy cái bài dài thế này nữa
hic, nhiệt đã hạ rồi sao?
óe,mình già mất rồi!